The instant we landed I felt that I had truly arrived home. I had an incomprehensible sense of deja vu. It was so uncanny.
I can see myself now as I stood there on the upper metal steps of the plane and took a deep intake of breath as the other passengers disembarked onto the Jamaican soil.
It didn’t seem at all strange to me as from an early age I had been ‘denying’ my birthplace as a freakish set of circumstances beyond my control. Then again, maybe it was my survival instincts kicking in wishing that I was somebody else and that I was somewhere else.
Anywhere other than where that monster was: any other country for starters.
I withstood all the ridicule regarding my comments about wanting to ‘go back home to my roots’: my brain, when allowed to, worked so simplistically back then when I was a toddler.
I just knew that for some reason destiny had decided to have a hand in determining where I was born but that destiny had also equipped me with the in-bred sensations of where I knew I truly belonged.
Thank you destiny for imbedding confusion and conflict into my psyche. Well done!
I was on such a high that you would have thought that I had partaken of some weed, spliff, marijuana – whatever name you want to call it. You know that stuff that makes you high as a kite and leaves you feeling mellow and invincible!
As we travelled along the treacherous roads, in my heightened state of ‘belonging’ I felt as if I knew and recognised every tree, every branch and every turn and bend in the roads. Each and every building felt so familiar. I knew and recognised the scent of having come home. I felt all this and more as if reliving a previous life or existence in Jamaica. Either that or I was seeing and feeling everything through the ‘spiritual presence’ of my beloved grandmother.
It was a surreal but magical moment in time for me. One which I will never forget. It seemed so natural yet so privileged. I felt so spiritually cleansed and conscientious as my awareness of my immediate surroundings was enhanced so deeply that it was almost a physical, painful sensation of both pleasure and contentment.
Acceptance of this unique and mesmerising moment was mine to treasure and cherish – nothing more and nothing less.