Deja Vu….

The instant we landed I felt that I had truly arrived home. I had an incomprehensible sense of deja vu. It was so uncanny.

I can see myself now as I stood there on the upper metal steps of the plane and took a deep intake of breath as the other passengers disembarked onto the Jamaican soil.

It didn’t seem at all strange to me as from an early age I had been ‘denying’ my birthplace as a freakish set of circumstances beyond my control. Then again, maybe it was my survival instincts kicking in wishing that I was somebody else and that I was somewhere else.

Anywhere other than where that monster was: any other country for starters.

I withstood all the ridicule regarding my comments about wanting to ‘go back home to my roots’: my brain, when allowed to, worked so simplistically back then when I was a toddler.

I just knew that for some reason destiny had decided to have a hand in determining where I was born but that destiny had also equipped me with the in-bred sensations of where I knew I truly belonged.

Thank you destiny for imbedding confusion and conflict into my psyche. Well done!

I was on such a high that you would have thought that I had partaken of some weed, spliff, marijuana – whatever name you want to call it. You know that stuff that makes you high as a kite and leaves you feeling mellow and invincible!

As we travelled along the treacherous roads, in my heightened state of ‘belonging’ I felt as if I knew and recognised every tree, every  branch and every turn and bend in the roads. Each and every building felt so familiar. I knew and recognised the scent of having come home. I felt all this and more as if reliving a previous life or existence in Jamaica. Either that or I was seeing and feeling everything through the ‘spiritual presence’ of my beloved grandmother.

It was a surreal but magical moment in time for me. One which I will never forget. It seemed so natural yet so privileged. I felt so spiritually cleansed and conscientious as my awareness of my immediate surroundings was enhanced so deeply that it was almost a physical, painful sensation of both pleasure and contentment.

Acceptance of this unique and mesmerising moment was mine to treasure and cherish – nothing more and nothing less.


3 thoughts on “Deja Vu….

  1. Amina Lesleymcfcmottley Ali

    Can relate so well to this extract. Going to Barbados for the ‘first’ time at the age of 12 I experienced similar thoughts and feelings. The only thing that was ‘foreign’ to me was the deafening sound of the crickets, which in days became almost silent to my ‘belonging there’ ears…..ah happy memories.


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